Parting is such sweet sorrow. Alas! I have come to the realization that you and I are not meant to be together. It has been a short, whirlwind romance, but you have let me down. Or perhaps I have let you down. Never-the-less I find myself disappointed once again. You promised me quick results. All I had to do was follow you without wavering. I tried my best. I really did. I was as faithful to you as I knew how to be. It should have worked out for us. There should have been at least some mild results. And perhaps there were. Perhaps I gleaned more from our relationship than I first thought.
Because of you I now know how to make some delicious home-made yogurt and some wildly nutritious kale chips. I now know that eating carbs too close to bedtime is a bad idea. I understand the importance of drinking gallons of water, though I had a bit of trouble with that one.
I know I'm a better person for having known you, and I only feel mildly chagrined that I gave you so much of my hard earned money. (I have always been generous to a fault.) But now it is time to say good bye. I have found another that delivers far more than you have in our brief courtship.
Hello Treadmill.... I love you!